Entry #7 Best friend

Another prompt I'm not good at. My best friend.

I do not really have someone I would call my best friend but I have a number of people I would call my best friends. Ever since I was in primary school I always feared the question who's your best friend because 1. I do not know whether the person I would claim to be my best friend would feel the same or they would just think I'm clingy or even worse, pity me because I chose them as my best friend but they do not feel the same and 2. I would feel bad if I chose someone and the another person who I am also close too would want to chose me as their best friend and so I have made someone feel bad.

So yes, I actually have a fear of calling someone my best friend. Maybe it's because I thought best friends have to do everything together and would always pair up and hang out with their best friend without any exception. I am a very clingy person but I also do not like to be viewed as pathetic because I would only cling to one person and when the person hangs out with other people I would be all out of place and awkward.

Which was also why I decided that doing things by myself is way easier. I do not have a problem walking or eating by myself. I must look so lonely and borderline pathetic but who cares what people think? I am perfectly happy doing things by myself.

That being said, I still have close friends that I would be super clingy with and I would have no fear just being myself around them.

Before my schooling days, it would be the cousin that I spoke of earlier in the first love post. We were like glued at the hip. Then I entered primary school and in Standard 1 it was this person who was sort of my cousin or actually aunty? But she was my classmate so we became close friends. Then in Standard 2 up to Standard 5 there was this one person who we would name NAF. Then in Standard 6 I sort of had a clique and it felt nice.

Enter high school, and one single decision changed my life. I decided to join a marching band. Starting from Form 1 I didn't really have a specific person I cling to, it was usually in groups. For classmates there were different groups of people and in band there were different groups of people. I remember in Form 2? Or was it Form 3? There were 5 of us band kids in the same class and we called ourselves Budak Kekalutan for some reason or another. Also a really nice memory.

And after 5 years of spending time together, there was Budak Pitt. My section mates. They are some of the best people I've met. We've fought each other, we've fought together, we've cried and we've laughed and it would always be a memory I would treasure.

One thing I need to mention is that somehow whenever I move on to another stage of life, most of the times I just drift off from the people who I was once so close to. As of right now, the only people I actively keep in contact with are Geng Pitt (+Sarah). I'm sort of a bad person, where you would be the person who would need to start the conversation or anything because I would not do so. If I do, then you should know that you are very special.

After high school there was Asasi. The people that I still keep in contact with (not including the people who are my classmates now) are these two people. I do treasure the friendship we have. Because they are usually the one to start the conversation and I feel so loved when they say that they miss me. I should really start texting them.

Now, in Degree. I have a person who I'm really clingy with. We're only in our second sem so I am slowly getting closer to all my classmates because there's not a lot of us. I am really learning how to be independent and not look too pathetic by doing things by myself.

Throughout all of this though, there was one person who was constantly there. She was with me since kindergarten up until now in uni. But somehow, we were never too clingy with each other. But she was always there and we are friends. We became closer in Asasi sem 2 because we were classmates. I am happy whenever I think about us hahaha omg that sounds super cheesy.

Best friends. It's nice to have them, and I know they're there but I just do not like to put a name on the friendship, as there would be sort of a burden behind it? Anyways, I do have them. And I treasure them so much even if I drifted apart from them, because they help me become who I am today too. Even if I do not contact them, know that I treasure all of our memories together.