Entry #2 First love

First love. First loves always come with a nostalgic feeling to it doesn't it? Well I do not have that.

I mean, what do you call a first love? The first person you fell in love with? I have never fell in love with anyone romantically as of now. I do like people and I have TONS of crushes but I know all these feelings are only fleeting and they don't last long anyway. I've liked a number of people, like seriously you can't even imagine how gedik I feel. But I know that I just like these people.

I don't fall in love with them and so that's that. I'm talking about romantic loves okay so obviously the people I've liked are guys (I'm straight). So most of the time I just like these guys from afar and they would never know about it. I would like to think I'm not obvious so yeah they probably would never know I like them.

But love is such a general concept. There's a lot of love in this world so I'll write about my different kinds of first loves.

I think obviously, there's the love for your family. I think my first love from my family would be my ayah. I was a 100% daddy's girl when I was a kid. I love both my mom and dad equally now but because my mom was a bit strict when I was a kid so I was a bit distant with her. And my dad loves to coddle me so that's that. For my siblings I think I fell in love with all of them around the same time hahaha.

For friends, I think the first love would be my cousin. I mean technically she's my cousin's daughter but she's older than me so just to make things easier when people ask how we're related we just said cousins when she was actually my anak buah I guess? Yeah, I spent quite a large portion of my childhood with her and her little brother and we were really close back then and it was a great memory. It's in past tense because we're not as close now. We kinda got distant in high school and we just... drifted apart. It's kinda sad whenever I think about it too much but it's okay because people grow up and sometimes it just happens. And it's not like I can't meet her or anything we always meet during Raya anyway. So I do have the nostalgic feeling when I remember how we used to be really close.

Okay fine I'll give a bit of a story about first love for a guy. I guess he is kind of a first love? Because we met in primary school and we were friends and we met again during Asasi. He did keep in contact when we met in Asasi so yeah. And he added me on fb so sometimes I see his posts so like, he's the only one from my crushes that I still have a connection with. All the other crushes don't even know I exist (as I only watched from afar anyways hahaha) But I don't consider him my crush though. He's a friend. A crush is someone I like from afar and never confess to lol. He's the closest to a first love because we met when we were kids and my parents know him and would sometimes bring him up as I liked to talk about him back then I guess. I don't remember any of this actually haha.

Ah I can't forget the most important love. Fangirl love! My first anime loves (in plural, because I can't just choose one) are Yamato from Digimon, Yugi from Yugioh, Tala from Beyblade, and I guess Sasuke? Or maybe Sasori or Deidara from Naruto. Yeap I have tons of anime crushes. Cause they're the best! For celebrities... I don't remember. Ah! Maybe Reid from Criminal Minds. I remember not really understanding the show because I was still a kid but I already liked him by then.

So yeah, these are my first loves. I am not even sure what this is all about hahaha I bet it wasn't what you expected wasn't it? When I do fall in love with someone, for real, romantically, I'll write about it. I would probably get married to him anyway (InshaAllah amin!)