Am I nervous? Of course I am. I am 10x more nervous. Why? Because I've got to think of the reasons why I would like to decline this offer.
TESL is my 2nd choice. My first choice is Literature. Now, I don't know about you, but I think that most people would find it odd because a lot of people would want to take TESL instead of Lit, but I'm asking for the opposite. So why do I want to take Lit instead of TESL?
You see, TESL stands for Teaching English as Second Language. The motive of this course is to create future educators, meaning people who will teach, be it school teachers or lecturers. And I don't really inspire to be an educator. It sounds really bad doesn't it? Being an educator is a really honorable job, but I just don't have that in me. I've never been a person who knew how to explain something to someone in an understandable way. Even when my friends used to ask me questions I would know the answers but how exactly I got to that answer, I would have difficulty explaining that.
Most of my friends who wanted to take TESL are prepared to be teachers, they have it in them to teach, they want to teach. But I don't. If you ask me to picture myself having a job, I would never imagine myself teaching. I just don't have the passion. That is why I felt really surprised and also a little bit proud of my brother when he once said he wanted to be a high school teacher specifically, because he wanted to teach students and guide them and be a good teacher like one of his teachers who he liked. I felt great for him, because he knows what he wants to do, because he has that ambition. Unlike me.
So if I don't want to be a teacher, what would I want to be? What do I plan to be by taking Literature? Honestly, I don't know. I would love to be a writer, but somehow it feels really far away. I know I sound very negative, which is why I won't mention it in the interview. I would say, I want to be a writer, or a person involved in the writing world. What. You know... like... editors or something? I wouldn't mind working with a newspaper or magazine company, as long as it involves writing, in English of course. Being directly involved with a book would be even better Being an author, would be a dream come true.
Why do I want to be a writer so much? I don't know, it feels special. Because I've always been moved by books, fictional ones, of course, Think about it, a book is just words written on paper, but you could enjoy a good laugh or be moved to tears by it. When I think about all these things it feels amazing, thinking about the authors who wrote these books, knowing they were able to move their readers, I just find it amazing. And I would love to know that feeling someday. Cheeeyyy ayat cheesy habis...
I just find stories, not just books in general, very interesting. You can learn so much just by knowing stories. Which is why I find it weird when people do stuff that they know would only bring negatives effects. Haven't they watched enough dramas to know that having a boyfriend just because you want to seem cool wouldn't actually make you cool? And who's to say your boyfriend will be loyal to you? Haven't you learned anything from dramas? Because I've learned all this from dramas, I avoid them. That is also why sometimes when a person I know suddenly gets in trouble or become sad because of a thing I knew would happen eventually, sometimes I just want to say 'I saw that coming already' and 'haven't you learned anything from dramas?'. That's basically my tagline for today, "Haven't you learned anything from dramas?"
Anyway, I've gone off topic. Stories. Yes. I love them to bits. I especially love reading the reviews of these stories to discover even more interesting details that I might've missed, and the readers interpretation of what happened and how the readers could link it to our every day lives. It really makes you think and it's basically up to one's imagination to interpret a story. You really learn a lot while reading, and I really love that.
Just for example, in Harry Potter, you know how they have those four houses, Gryffindor, Slytherin, Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw. These four houses each have a value which they treasure more than others, and it gives the people in those houses stereotypes. Like, Gryffindor being brave idiots, Slytherin being evil guys, Hufflepuff being weak and Ravenclaw prideful smartass. Most students stick to these, so they don't really become friends with each other. But after reading the stories, you learn not to judge others based on their houses, because it doesn't work that way. So when you apply it in real life, you shouldn't judge others on what they look like, or their ethnicity or race, because that doesn't determine who they are.
Also, maybe this interest in reading and stories is because I have been reading ever since I was a kid. My favorite books were by Enid Blyton and I love her stories. I think they're really good books for kids. It has helped me become the person I am today. Hahahaha lol. But really though, I would say my English skills come from those books, and also my parents speaking in English at times too.
This post is just all over the place. I have really sunken. Abandon ship. Abort. Abort.
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