And I have no freaking idea what I'm gonna do.
Right now I'm having the time of my life. Waking up late, staying up late, eating whenever I feel like it, watching anime all day long, basically sitting in front of the laptop 24/7. Ah, what a great life. And then comes the question ;
"Adik nak ambik course apa?"
And whenever it came up I always ran away. I would always just sigh and say "Hmm.. tengok la camna nanti.." Truthfully I'm just running away. But I can't keep running away, I'll have to think about this stuff real soon. I mean really, even when we had to choose either the pure science course or the non-pure science course during Form 4, I just chose the pure-science course because it seemed like I have more choices to pick for furthering my studies in University. Because I didn't know what I wanted to be at the time. And I still don't.
I mean, the course you choose will affect your career in the future right? Which is why we need to know what we want to be first, and then choose the course that will lead to it right? That's the problem, I don't know. I don't know what I want to do.
I definitely don't want to take Medic. I don't like being sick, I don't like sick people, I don't like medicine. Well, it's a start right? At least I'm sure of one thing I don't want to do. Accountant? My sister's already one and I'm still not really sure about what accountants do. I know there's a lot of different type of accountants but I'm not really interested in it.
What I enjoy doing? Whenever people ask me that I'll laugh. I enjoy watching anime, eating, sleeping, reading books, dancing like an idiot, and singing like a pondan. Basically, what all teenagers enjoy doing. I always laughed because I never think of doing all those stuff seriously, as in furthering my studies in it. For example, I could take arts and technology for anime, I could take culinary for eating (lol), or I could take TEKA (is this what it's called? You know, the course for performing arts or something) for dancing and singing. But I don't want to. I don't know, because I enjoy those things as a hobby, I don't want to take it seriously, you know? But there is a saying that goes "Pick a work that you enjoy, that way you won't have to work at all" which basically means if you enjoy your work then you won't feel pressured by it.
ARGH I'm so confused. Mom did suggested taking English. I was like, "English?" Mom said taking English means you could be a lecturer, or administrator or you could even become a translator and go places. I did consider it, and then the self-doubts began.
English.... well I do enjoy reading and writing in English (even more than in Malay, I'm sorry okay, it's just how I am). But am I good enough to take the English course? Would I enjoy it? And I know this is a bad way of thinking, but surely I will have a lot of, like, speaking tests right? Like Oral Test? I don't think I'm that good in speaking though. Writing is a completely different thing. When you speak you have to mind the pronunciations and stuff.
Also the other day, we went to visit my brother and had lunch together. He didn't ask me the typical "So Adik nak ambik course apa?" question. Instead, he asked me what I'm doing during my free time and without batting an eyelid I answered "Tengok anime" hehe. Then he said that I should learn to bake, and maybe I would enjoy it and start a small business. I dunno why, but I really liked him then. I mean, I always liked him anyway, and everyone else in my family of course, okay I'm starting to stray away form the point now. I felt like, he gave me a suggestion, and I really liked it. I did think about learning to bake during these holidays (it was in my to-do list).
Baking sounds nice. I watched a lot of baking shows and it looked really nice and fun. And you get to eat your products in the end. That's awesome. A pastry chef sounds like a pretty nice job too, doesn't it? But like all the other stuffs I enjoy, I don't know about taking it seriously. And maybe because I do care about what people think of me, like, if I took Culinary (or anything else for that matter) what would the big family think of me? Big family means all my aunts, uncles and cousins. I don't really have any cousins that would be compared against me, but still, I don't like it if they felt like, "Oh, she could have taken something else, I didn't know she wanted to do those kind of stuffs"
I know, I know, what matters most now is what I want to do. People will run their mouths no matter what you do.
So, Fatin, what do you wanna do?
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